marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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