That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
