I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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