Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
