The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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