i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
