found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
