Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
