she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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