We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
