my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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