He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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