Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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