why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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