I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
