hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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