That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My balls are so social today.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is there bacon in the couch?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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