She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
