Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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