the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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