I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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