Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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