There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
