My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You can't motorboat a personality
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
