Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
