I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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