my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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