I need to stop coming to work sober
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
