oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
