Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
