Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
