On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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