And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
