Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
God, I missed his penis.
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