The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
honey bunches of taint.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
