Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
