Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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