For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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