erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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