dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
