In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
