my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
