After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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