He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
