Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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