Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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