I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
