I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
