I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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