I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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