I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
