I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
