um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i drank out of a bidet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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