i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
