i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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