OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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