we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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