I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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