that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
birth control should be required to get into college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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