today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
