I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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