you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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