ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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