I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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