Are we in a gay sports bar?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
