When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
