I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
