So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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