But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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