I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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